is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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