an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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