Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
