I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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