Cold hands, warm shart.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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