i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
