The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
