fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize