question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
