is your mom at the bar?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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