I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
