Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
