just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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