on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
