Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
