And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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