when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
