Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina is officially offended.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
