were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
