He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
