I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How external is "for external use only"?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
