all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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