Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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