miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
