The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
