Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
