I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every concussion has its silver lining
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize