watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We need to get me chipped asap
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
