your room smells of hookers.
And success
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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