No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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