U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
