I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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