i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize