1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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