you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
