Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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