i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
