Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
