You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
