she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
