i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
