I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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