Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
