So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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