just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
