i wish my penis had a tongue
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
