Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
