youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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