I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
