I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My life is pants optional.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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