STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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