AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize