So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
