omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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