I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
