he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
