i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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