Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Too much gin, very little bucket
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
