No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
