He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
