Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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