fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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