I'm going to rape someone's good day.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize