Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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