Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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