you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
