god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
