You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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