He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
