Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
