I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
